dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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