Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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