Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize