I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
