You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
