Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
