you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
