Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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