I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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