yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
