need another drink. this is the easiest way
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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