she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
