Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
