my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
