I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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