Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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