So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
