I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
