Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she smelled like a LAN party
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
