Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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