Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
