I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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