i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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