Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
