he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
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I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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