Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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