just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize