I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
