I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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