I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
