Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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