remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
