Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
