i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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