he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
