I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
