I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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