you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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