who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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