I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
