he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
