he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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