My nipple is on Facebook.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
