there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
