Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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