There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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