70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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