You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
