One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
