so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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