Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
