we have officially lost it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She even gives head with a lisp.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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