angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
