I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
