Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
