Having a random hookup so left but love u
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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