Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yo dont text me then not text me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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