If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This can only be settled by a dance off.