You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?