Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
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Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?