Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball