omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.