if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.