The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
