Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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