i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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