Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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